Is It Wrong For A Man To Love A Guitar
by Dante'sRaven1993
Summary: Slightly Edited version of a scene from upcoming 3rd chapter of 'Of Vampires & Devils' by me. While writing it, i thought it'd make an funny one-shot. Anyays, constructive criticism is welcome. Rated M to be safe  Contains Swearing and Sexual Innuendo


**A/N – This is a slightly edited version of the first part of the next chapter of my DMC and Rosario Vampire crossover series. While writing it, I thought it would make a funny one-shot, so I've removed the Rosario references, and enjoy. Any ideas on how to improve this will be appreciated  
BTW the title is inspired by The Mighty Boosh, if you've seen the show, you'll get the joke**

**I've updated with an improved version, mainly just an added though track to keep dante in character and a revised 'torture' scene**

"Speech" _thoughts_

The setting sun cast low, orange rays of light into the office from the ornate windows, the shadows slowly gaining dominance over the slowly dwindling light. Still illuminated were the half-empty pizza boxes strewn across the rug, dried cheese hanging over the edges. Another mountain of pizza boxes stood stacked by the desk, the only part of this establishment which made it look like a business. The back wall of the room was host to all manner of weapons, ranging from shotguns to gauntlets, with a double centerpiece of two swords. The larger of the two swords, was a crescent shaped blade, imbued with what seemed to be a large organic mass, and a pulsating red orb. The smaller of the two swords, although not far from the latter, looked relatively normal. It consisted of a long metal blade with slight indentations near the end. What really set this blade apart was the hilt, consisting of a demonic ribcage and skull inset with glowing red eyes. To the far left of the 'office', in the 'music room' was a set of stairs leading to an unseen room. At the far right, amongst the guitar amps, lying down on the sofa was the proprietor of the establishment. His medium-length white hair obscured his eyes and most of his face as he slept, his long red coat trailing on the floor, a purple guitar precariously resting atop his torso.

This peace was short lived as the shrill tone of the phone interrupted the twilight calm of the office. The man let out a groan as he rolled over in his sleep trying to block out the intruding sounds, the guitar edging ever closer to the edge. The phone however was relentless in its torment, causing the man to shift even more violently, effectively knocking the guitar to the floor. As it struck, a thunderous roar of noise erupted from the guitar amps, causing the red-coated man to bolt upright.

"What the fuck!" He reached for his pistols, looking around for the disturbance, completely forgetting the ringing phone. He spotted the purple guitar on the floor; he pieced 2 and 2 together, realizing what must have happened. Dropping his guard, he sheathed his two pistols and assumed a sitting position on the sofa. By now the phone had stopped ringing.

"Nevan" He spoke to the guitar "What are you doing out of your case?" Now any normal person who happened to stumble upon this scene would think the aforementioned man was crazy. However, when you discover that the man in question is the Legendary Devil Hunter Dante; things begin to make more sense. However, the whole talking to the guitar, you'd have to know where he got most his weapons from to understand that. Most of his weapons were made from the souls of Demons he'd defeated in his times as a Devil hunter.  
The guitar lay motionless; it then began to rock, as bat-like shadows erupted around the instrument. They eventually receded to reveal the form of an extremely beautiful woman, her skin held a slight pale-green tinge, and her long red hair hung down her back and around her face, falling down to conceal her breasts. The bat shadows also did a decent job of conveniently censoring other areas from Dante's perverted, prying eyes.

Nevan looked up to Dante, her eyes gleaming with a hint of sadness, a cute pout forming on her lips "Oh Dante" she started, sounding very upset "I was getting sooooo lonely. You keep me locked in that case, and I'm forced to watch you play with those other instruments" She almost spat the last word, while somehow still retaining her pleading tone, she slowly walked towards, adding an extra swing to her hips.  
"It's been sooooo long. How I yearn for your touch," She reached towards him, and ran her fingers through his hair slowly "your magic fingers. Those sounds you get me to make," Her face contorted in pleasure, while she relieved the moments in her head "of which only you are capable" Her demeanor quickly changed to one of annoyance as she pulled herself away, flicking strand of hair behind her ear "But it seems like you don't want me anymore." She huffed "If that's the case, I'll go find that guitarist from that band you always listen to, from the sounds of it he has plenty stamina and skill to keep me satisfied" She made as if to walk away.

_Oh fuck, this isn't good. Can't just let her walk away like that. I don't fancy having to answer for the damage she'll cause. Quick Dante, use your irresistible charm to stop her from going _Thinking quickly on his feet, Dante grabbed her arm, and pulled her around, he lifted a hand to caress her face "How could I not want you, your perfect. I only play those other instruments so I can practice for you, so that each time I play you. It's perfect, it's special and I don't make mistakes" _Smooth Dante, Smooth _He commented to himself, inwardly smiling.  
She melted under his gaze and words, he knew just how to get to her, but she wasn't going to let him win so easily.

"But how come you never take me with you on your missions?" The pout was returning to her lips

_Hmm, she brings up a good point. Why don't I use her more for missions? I've never really thought about that, better think up of summat good _"Because, because I never want to see you get hurt, I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you. That's why I leave you here, so that I know you're safe" _Nice! _

"Oh Dante…" She moved her lips closer to his, just as she was about to kiss him. _Uh oh, this is getting bad, I need some sort conveniently placed distraction_*RING**RING*_Ahh, the phone. Thank you god, or would that be a devil_. Nevan almost felt like destroying that infernal machine as Dante pulled away from her. He then looked back towards her.

"I'll be back in minute, I need to get this" He looked thoughtful for a moment than looked back to Nevan "If this is a mission, why don't I bring you along with me? Hmm" He gazed lovingly into her eyes. Without waiting for a response he gave her quick kiss on her forehead and headed for the phone. _What the hell is up with her, she's been a lot more… forward recently. Could it be that…? Nah, it couldn't be. I'll have to talk to her about this_

Nevan was left to sit on the sofa, waiting for Dante's return. She looked round and spotted the other guitars _NANANANA He likes me more than you, you cheap, Korean made pieces of shit. _An evil smirk crossed her lips as she thought of the perfect plan _Oh revenge is like a sweet melody…_ She hummed to herself as she set about her work

-Back with Dante-

_Damn I didn't get to arrange the payment. Well, I guess that can wait til I get there. I better go tell Nevan we've got mission, maybe now she'll shut up and stop being a nuisance._

"Hey Nevan, get yourself packed we got a….." Dante stared in horror at the carnage in front of him.

"My….My…My Guitars" A tear ran down his cheek, his guitars lay splintered across the music room, necks cleanly snapped, and a couple looked like they were burnt. He saw Nevan with a mischievous glint in her eye, guitar in hand raised as if she was about to smash it. "Now you'll have to play me and only me" She stated triumphantly, a smug grin plastered her face. Dante broke down in tears for his fallen instruments, vowing to avenge their destruction as Nevan brought the final guitar down with a smash, laughing manically as she did it.  
Upon noticing Dante's pain, Nevan ran over to him, in the hopes of consoling him. He was curled up in the fetal position, gently rocking as he muttered to himself. He seemed oblivious to Nevan, allowing her to make the mistake of dropping her guard, giving Dante the opening he needed. He lunged and grabbed her by her throat, and held her up.

"Oooh Dante, What are you gonna do to me?" Her voice becoming seductive, she brushed her dangling leg against the inside of his

An evil look crossed Dante's eyes "You really don't want to know"

-5 minutes later—

"Nooooo! Noooooo! Please I'll do anything, please anything but this"

"Aww come on, I've only just started. If you relax, you might actually enjoy it" He struck her, and began to move in the familiar patterns

"Oh god no, it's awful. It's so, it's so..." she struggled to the words to describe her torture

"What's wrong, don't you like it"

"Please…" She begged

"Ok fine," He set down the guitar form of Nevan which promptly transformed into her natural form. Now you're probably wondering how Nevan was able to communicate with Dante while in her guitar form. Well, while in this form Nevan is able to open up a temporary mental link with her user, so she can help to guide them in battle.

"Uuurrgghh" She shuddered, "That was horrible."

"Well, you deserved it"

"Still… that doesn't give you the excuse to do…. That!"

"Hey just be grateful I chose that song, and not stairway to heaven. Now that would've been torture"

"But still, Smoke on the Water is just as bad"

"Ok Ok. But shut up and listen. I've got a mission and I guess that'll you'll be coming along with me…"

She almost squealed in excitement at the thought of being used in combat by Dante

"…We now have about 45 minutes to get ready for our ride. Go and get yourself packed. And if you're a good girl, and you behave yourself on this mission… I'll play you until a string snaps" With that, Nevan ran off to god-only-knows-where to get herself ready, a blush predominant on her face at the sheer thought of the reward her master had promised her.

_Oh snap, I better leave a note for Lady and Trish, they'll be pissed if they find I'm missing_ He hastily grabbed for a pen on his desk, and with the noticeable lack of paper, he ripped the lid off one of the pizza boxes, and left his message to the girls explaining the situation. Now fully confident that he had done all he could to avoid an ass-kicking, he contemplated on his rather rash decision to let Nevan tag-along. _Well it shouldn't be too bad, as long as she does as she's told. I'd hate to think what'd happen if she got loose on the male population of the school. _He let out a chuckle _That damn crazy succubus will be the death of me someday, but then again she does have a nice set of t…_

_You are aware that I just heard all of that _

_I'm guessing that the link is still open_

She appeared in front of him, hands crackling with electricity _Damn straight_

_Oh Fuck_ and alas, Dante received an ass-kicking after all.


End file.
